


Star Map Memories

by Mareel



Series: Always [57]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Camping, Canada, Childhood Memories, Destroy Ending, Established Relationship, Family, Food, Hiking, Love, M/M, Memories, Post-Canon, Post-Mass Effect 3, Post-War, Rehabilitation, Stargazing, Swimming, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: Still flying...





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SweetRaspberryTea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetRaspberryTea/gifts).



> This takes place 18 months after the end of the war. John and Kaidan have been on a camping trip, staying in a small rustic cabin that’s been in the Alenko family for many years. It's in the British Columbia interior, located on a lake approximately 200 km north of the orchard. It is Shepard’s voice. 
> 
> I can't begin to express my appreciation to the friends who provided their encouragement and support during a time when life issues made writing difficult. Special thanks to [potionsmaster](http://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster) for all the brainstorming and the beta.
> 
> This was written for Ruby as part of the ME Swap 2016. I hope you'll enjoy it!

 

“This has been great, Kaidan. I’m glad I let you talk me into the whole camping thing.”

“What? Is it over?”

“Well, what else did you have in mind? It’s our last night here.. What haven’t we done?”

I expect a snicker at that point, but Kaidan reaches for my hand and draws me close. His other hand cups my cheek as he tilts my head toward his, stopping just short of a kiss.

“Wait and see. It’s a surprise.” 

His eyes are sparkling… I should have known he was up to something.when he suggested a late afternoon hike to a lake a mile or two from our cabin. But for tonight, Kaidan had loaded a day pack with a couple of blankets in addition to the makings of a picnic dinner… and smiled when I’d slipped in the remains of the bottle of scotch we’d been enjoying all week. His only comment was that " _It’s probably not legal on Forest Service land, but no one has to know about it but us, right?"_

I hadn’t really thought about that, but something else made sense then, and I asked him if that was why we were planning to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches rather than building a campfire.

He’d nodded, replying that _"… you can’t get a fire permit for there. It’s a wildlife refuge."_

I guess a fire would be harder to hide than a fifth of whiskey, but that’s okay. Kaidan’s mother had given us two jars of her peach preserves when we stopped at the orchard on our way up here. _"These are the last until this year’s crop,"_ Elena had reminded us, before sending us off with hugs all around. So at least these would be _good_ PBJ sandwiches.

Not long after we resumed our hike, stepping carefully when the ground gets softer as we approach the wetlands, the glitter of sun on water lights the deepening shadows of the wooded trail we’ve been following. 

“Is that the lake we’re looking for?”

Kaidan turns and retraces his steps to where I’d stopped walking. 

“Yeah. Herman Lake. Not much further now. There’s a boardwalk at the public access point. The ground is just going to get marshier from here. How’s your leg holding up?”

I actually hadn’t thought too much about it all afternoon. “Pretty well, I think. Hell of a lot better than before the surgery, that’s for sure. Maybe I won’t need this cane too much longer..”

“Good. I hoped that would be worth it for you – having to deal with another hospital stay and more rehab. Sounds like it was a good choice.”

“Yeah… you were right. It made a big difference. Still need to strengthen that leg though.”

I glance down at it. The shorts I’m wearing are long enough to mostly cover the scars on my knee, but the whole leg looks skinny to me. Of course I don’t have nearly the strength in either leg that I had during the war. Months of lying immobile in a hospital bed ensured that.

Kaidan catches me staring down at my leg and pulls me into his arms again, his hands sliding down my back and settling on my hips. “Hey, John… do you remember what I told you in that dressing room when we were shopping for swimwear?”

I can feel my cheeks and ears getting warm. “Yeah, I think so. But maybe you’d better refresh my memory. I’m just an old soldier with a bum leg – my memory's probably the next to go…”

Kaidan huffs a laugh before he kisses me, letting it deepen until I can’t suppress a moan, especially since his hands have moved to my ass. “You _do_ remember. At least your body does...”

He’s right, damn it. I’m not sure it’s possible for him to hold me like this and _not_ feel my response to him. “You mean the time when I was trying on board shorts and I asked you if they made my legs look too scrawny?”

Kaidan pulls back from the kiss for long enough to murmur “Mm hmm. Yes. What did I tell you?“

He wants to hear me say it. And right now, I’d say whatever he wants, just to make sure he doesn’t stop doing what he’s doing with his hands. “You said… you had no idea… that you never look further than my ass.”

Kaidan kisses his way along my jawline, ending at the sensitive spot behind my ear. My breath hitches as I feel the warmth of his tongue there. And his hands on my ass pull my hips even closer, just to be sure I notice him. As if I wouldn’t.

“You see? Nothing wrong with your memory, old soldier. And I meant it. You looked pretty damn hot to me with the board shorts riding low on your hips… I was right about something else too – they _do_ look even better wet.” 

Something about his frank admiration gets to me. I’m not normally this prone to being so easily embarrassed. I’ve never done much swimming… growing up in space doesn’t provide many opportunities. Proficiency was required during N7 training and I learned enough to be sure I could handle myself in a water scenario. But swimming for pleasure? I’ve never done it until this week, in the lake by the Alenko cabin where we’ve been staying. 

Kaidan is an otter in the water, all sleek and sinuous, black hair slick and shining when he breaches the surface. I remembered how to float, and he floated close to me until I relaxed and got used to the cool water temperature. Which he claimed was warm. At least compared to the cold waters of the Pacific near our home. 

He would swim a few meters away from me and stop, calling me to follow. And he suggested that I try a slow breast stroke to give my knee a bit more of a workout. He kept moving backward, treading water just out of my reach… definitely an alluring goal. When I finally reached him, he gave me a quick hug and then started a lazy backstroke toward the shore. Once back in chest-deep water, he pulled me against him and I didn’t care if I ever swam another stroke. It felt so good just being there together, feeling weightless and wrapped in his arms. And I wasn’t cold anymore.

“Never dreamed…”

“John? Sorry, I missed that. What were you saying?”

I realized I must have spoken aloud. I’d been walking a pace or two behind him, and Kaidan has stopped by a sign pointing to the refuge area boardwalk we’d been looking for. 

“I was thinking about everything we’ve done on this trip… and how you wanted to share all of this with me – rowing a boat, making s’mores… mind you, I still think they’re overrated… swimming lessons...” My voice trails off at a visceral memory of how those lessons ended up. 

“You liked that, I’m guessing?” Kaidan’s teasing voice isn’t helpful with shutting off the images of t _hat_ memory. 

“All of it… you and me. Together. I guess I’d never really dared to think much past the end of the war, you know? It’s nice.”

“Just _nice_?” 

“Kaidan, let’s keep walking. This feels kind of… public, I guess… to go much beyond _nice_. But trust me; we’re _good_.”

He laughs and takes my hand as we get to the wide boardwalk bordering this section of the lake. A few benches dot the elevated walkway and I notice a picnic table or two near the entry, but Kaidan is leading us further, almost to the end of the boardwalk. I saw a family headed the other way down the path – two adults holding the hands of a youngster, but the direction Kaidan chose to take seems deserted. 

At the far end of the walkway there’s a low wooden bench overlooking the lake, which is turning golden in the light of a brilliant sunset. Kaidan spreads out one of the blankets in front of it and we sit cross-legged to unpack the picnic sandwiches. “Sorry we can’t just sit on the ground. The boardwalk isn’t too comfortable, but it’s really marshy beneath it.”

“This is great, Kaidan. We’ve been plenty of places where I’d have given a lot to have a safe solid place to just sit down to eat a ration bar. It’s a beautiful place for a lake, and that sunset is a real bonus.”

“Yeah, it is. I used to come here with my dad, even my mom once or twice. She wasn’t much for wilderness camping, but she liked the cabin well enough. We’d hike over here sometimes. Dad liked to point out all the bugs and birds we would see… or hear. Cricket, frogs… He knew a lot about the area... had been coming here since he was a kid. His grandfather lived about an hour east of here.”

While Kaidan is talking about his family’s connection to the place, I unwrap the sandwiches. I smile to myself, thinking that everything here seem to have a memory or story attached. The peach preserves that Elena sent with us remind me of last summer and our first visit to the orchard, the first time I’d met Kaidan’s mother, and the first peach I’d ever eaten fresh. Somehow he’d never associated any specific memories with eating ration bars. 

“Bite into your sandwich, Kaidan. Tell me what it makes you think of.” Maybe it’s just me.

“There’s a lot of that jam that Mom gave us... _Peaches._ ” He leans over the daypack to kiss me, and I run my tongue over his lips as it ends. 

“There’s no juice to drip down your chin this time, but yeah, peaches… fresh off the tree in the orchard.” Kaidan is smiling; clearly he remembers. “You know, we might have picked the peaches that went into that jam. We did bring some back to Elena...”

It’s hard to tell in the fading light, but there might be a bit more color on his cheeks as he recalls my first taste of a peach, one we’d shared between us with much _enthusiasm_. He nods, his smile widening. “Maybe. It was a pretty good year for peaches.”

“Yeah, it was.” The sun has set, the sky still holding the afterglow, the lake still shimmering purple and gold. Kaidan moves the daypack so he can scoot over close to me, leaning back against the bench with an arm around my shoulders. My knee has been protesting a bit, so I stretch my legs out in front of me, apparently prompting Kaidan to do the same. 

“Comfortable, John? If you get chilly, there’s still the other blanket.”

He probably can’t see it, but I shake my head, getting comfortable, resting partly against the bench, but mostly against Kaidan’s solid warmth. “I’m good. You’re always warm.”

In the dark sky above the lake, the stars are becoming visible. After having lived in Canada for a year now – and many nights of star-gazing from our deck – I’ve grown to regard the various Earth constellations as old friends. 

Kaidan asked me once whether he should bring his old telescope over from the orchard. I’d said it wasn’t necessary on my account… that right now I was content with the stars I could see with my own eyes. Maybe there would be a time when I start to crave other stars again, but that time isn’t yet. He had brushed his knuckles across his eyes before kissing me and exhaling a series of whispered _I love you’s_ against my lips. 

Kaidan shifts enough to pull the whiskey bottle out of the pack. I’d forgotten to pack any cups - I guess I’d make an unreliable quartermaster these days – but I take a sip from the half-full bottle, offering a silent toast with my eyes before passing it back to him. “Thanks.”

I was just about to ask him about some of the night sounds that are becoming more noticeable, but something distracts me. A flash of some sort. Maybe hikers on the other side of the lake? Seemed closer than that. Wait, there it is again… but to the west this time. “Kaidan?”

With the last light faded, the lake is dark now, the horizon indistinct. But much closer to the ground than the sky, the darkness is being breached by pinpoint flashes of greenish-yellow seemingly at random locations and frequencies. Kaidan hasn’t replied. He’s just letting me take in the show unfolding all around us.

“Are those…?” 

He reaches for my hand, wrapping it in his and squeezing silently. He replies in a low voice. “Yeah, fireflies. This area has always been home to a large colony. The weather was just right today. Some nights they just don’t fly.” 

“Amazing. No shortage of them tonight, that’s for sure.” I find myself keeping my voice low too. I’ve no idea if our voices would disturb their display behavior. Suddenly there’s a tickle on my leg, followed by a flash of lime green light, then several flashes in succession before I startle the insect away when my leg twitches. 

“Do they bite or sting?”

There’s a laugh in Kaidan’s voice as he reassures me. “Nope… they’re innocuous. We’re in their space. Maybe that was their first contact.”

They seem to be everywhere now, though never flying very high - maybe three or four meters above the marshland. The flashes outline the shore of the lake where tall cattails must offer them shelter and places to land. Sometimes it almost seems they are synchronizing the flashes for a few short time. But mainly it’s a random glittering. Mesmerizing. 

I don't have many words. “So beautiful, Kaidan. You said you came here with your dad?”

“Yeah. Once Mom came along too. Did you see that family heading the other way around the lake? That was us, back then. Mom worried that I’d get excited and fall off the boardwalk, so she held onto my hand the whole time.”

I smile, thinking of a very young Kaidan with large brown eyes and a mop of unruly black hair, tugging on Elena’s hand, wanting to explore it all. I’ve gotten to know her well enough that I can almost hear her admonishing ‘ _Be careful, little one.’_

“Let me show you how I saw it as a kid. Lie down with your head on my lap… yeah, like that. Comfortable?”

Like he needs to ask. I’m always comfortable with a Kaidan-pillow. “Yeah… always.”

“Look up from there.”

His hand is resting on my chest with my hand covering it, and my grip tightens as I watch the show above me… an ever-changing patterns of green flashes. If it’s a dance. it’s a complex one. “Are they communicating? Looking for mates? Just out for a good time?”

I feel the low rumble of Kaidan’s amusement as he replies. “Yes. Probably. I don’t know. It’s just what they do.”

“It’s like watching stars… or being inside a star map of some unknown space.”

Kaidan’s breath catches a little and he squeezes my hand before releasing it and resting the palm against my cheek. 

“Yeah. According to Mom, I called them stars… they were just closer than the white ones high up in the sky.”

I turn my head enough to kiss Kaidan’s palm “You always liked watching the stars from the _Normandy_. It seemed to help you deal with… everything..”

“Yeah. It did. It was a place to lose myself in something bigger, you know?”

“Yes. I get it. And i’m glad you brought me here tonight, Kaidan. Sharing your first star map with me. It’s so beautiful.”

His voice drops to just above a whisper. “Dad would be happy that I came back here… and that I shared it with someone I care about… someone I love.”

I reach up to draw his face down for a kiss. “I’m just glad it’s all still here… the marsh, the fireflies…”

The kiss is gentle and unhurried. As it ends, our eyes meet and hold as Kaidan whispers a few more words before we watch the flight of the fireflies in silence together. 

“And _you_ , John. You’re still here, and with me.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Summary quote from _Firefly_
> 
> Earlier events at the orchard referred to in this story can be found in [Drawn From Memory](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4944796)/


End file.
